I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
