Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
