well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
