So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
