he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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