So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
