Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
