I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
