My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
