the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
