You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
