is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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