Im at strip club and am horny
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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