dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
