OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
