I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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