The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
