oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
