I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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