i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
