I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
