i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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