i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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