I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
