Say something about gay babies.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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