I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
