I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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