I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
