We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
