Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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