I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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