I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
