I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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