your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
