You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
