hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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