Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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