carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
