your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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