I think I died a long time ago.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
