Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
