Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
