So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
