tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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