I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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