Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
