no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
