you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize