you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
