I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
