i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
