i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
