remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
