capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
