I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
