Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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