Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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