Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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