My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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