I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
