I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
