i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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