do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
