So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
