just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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