That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rumble strips road head = magical
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize