OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
