Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
