he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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