So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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