That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
