Kiss
Puke
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
