First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
