Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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