I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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