I got chris browned last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
