i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
